There is a sense of loneliness and even feeling lost, when you live alone..
Since coming to Richmond I never thought I should truly “feel lonely” because there was always so much work to do.. so much to study, so many who need the Gospel, so many to teach and disciple.
Father thank You for companionship, thank You for my wife Vanesa.
There are MANY good things to DO.. but God has also made us to function in relationships. When there is companionship, there is a more natural joy rather than the peace and joy that is found when seeking the Lord out of loneliness. Are not both GOOD? I would be a proponent of the latter, and see God’s grace in it (in the seeking God which is required when one finds himself lonely).
Help me to understand as much as I need to, to know YOU better, to be more THANKFUL, to know man and to be able to counsel him, and to better thrive in the Gospel, making disciples.
Since being married there has rarely been the sense which was previously SOO inundating, of “being lost” and not knowing what to do.. especially during unscheduled time, after naps, etc. Overwhelming anxious feeling.
The constant presence of another soul, who has jointly committed herself to be with me, has been more of a blessing than I could ever know. Father, I am weak, and You know my needs.
Thank you for the personality of my wife, the beauty, the character. Thank you for Vanesa Father.
You HAVE ordained that I be married! Haha, I am married! Until death do us part. You have ordained my marriage with Vanesa for my good, and I thank You for it. For my good and Your glory!
Keep my heart worshipping and seeking Christ MORE than ever! Keep me sacrificially leading and serving and LOVING my wife, increasingly and in the example and power and transformation unto Christ! Keep me APPRECIATING, THANKFUL for our marriage! Even this talk of “we don’t need each other, but we want each other”.. it does feel like I need her, in the same way that I need air and food and rest.. my marriage with her is a gift from the giver of all good gifts.
If I would seek Your provision out of loneliness, BEFORE marriage, let me seek Your provision NOW to BE a godly husband, placing my wife before myself, giving up my life for her. Show me what that means, Father.
Your presence is always with me oh God.
More than that, You have shown your love for me on the cross of Jesus Christ, who gave His life to redeem my from my sin.
Much of what could be called “loneliness” is a sense of being “behind” others.. that while I am here in my house in this state of loneliness, others are busy in relationships, earning degrees and advancing in their careers. THIS is a dividing line. This is a clear identification of a consuming, besetting sin. A manifestation of unbelief in God’s perfect provision for Jordan, whom He has redeemed. At the worst, this sin has become so consuming that I wonder if I could be saved, to be so consumed.
IS this feeling covetousness??
This “lost” feeling.. does it dissipate when I stop thinking about others (in a “left out” way)?
.. yes. If I am simply here and now, and I am not thinking what others (usually SPECIFIC others.. perhaps needful to consider also.. WHO am I comparing myself to and WHY.. help for identifying idols..)
It used to be that I would think about the great lostness (in terms of salvation) in the world.. if I found myself with a spare moment, I would
COVETING YOUR NEIGHBORS WIFE.. is this the sin of the heart when lonely and thinking about the “prosperity” of others?
See, NOW I don’t feel “lonely” as I did before.. WHY? Confession of sin?
There were men, individuals, who played a huge part in God’s grace, my sanctification. Men like Jack Skiltus. They were there for me, and I was too beset to truly remember the part they played, in my thoughts and my life. Outside influencers of your thoughts.. it seems most often that you just REALIZE that you are thinking differently NOW than you were at a certain point in the past, AND you remember not where and how introduced the seeds of that change in thinking from the outside.
Father You have dealt bountifully with us. Please help me to identify and confess EVERY SIN oh God! YES covetousness, but ALL sin! The unbelief of anxiety! Oh to be reminded of Your truth, to KNOW how to deal with these sins of the heart. There is NO sense of IGNORING sins of the heart so that I can focus on “bigger things”. There are of course responsibilities and ministries and primary callings in life (marriage for example) that require the time and thought energy.. however as God provides the opportunity, we MUST take care to examine ourselves in the light of the Word of God, by the Holy Spirit, in the counsel and encouragement of others in the local church, in our moment by moment choices of thought.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
We see the eternal weight of our sin in:
The sacrificial death of God the Son, the sinless Lamb of God (to Christians, who esteem God)
The existence of eternal, conscious judgment by God in Hell (to the unbelieving, whose life is their most prized possession)
Satan sinned, the angels sinned, once, and the King of Heaven judged them, allowing time for them to heap even more judgment on themselves.
God is being patient, not wishing that any perish.
Rejecting Christ is trampling on the sacrificial blood of Christ, counting as worthless the precious death of God the Son. This is the most heinous of sins. Oh to count as worthless the mercy of God in Christ His Son.
Repentance is obedience to God, initial obedience of turning from sin.
Is worldly enjoyment of your life your most prized possession? God made you, and He created the concept of enjoyment. He takes pleasure in what reflects His greatness. Taking pleasure in the creation MORE than the Creator is called idolatry. Your sin against God has ruined God’s pleasure in you. God has these rights, since He is God, the Creator, the Most High – God will judge every man. God is perfect. If found guilty of even one sin against God, the perfect and eternal God must judge us with a perfectly just and eternal punishment. There is ONE man whose life and character HAVE PERFECTLY pleased God. The decisions we’ve made have consequences. These consequences are God’s perfectly just and eternal judgment of us, who have chosen to violate our conscience by living for temporary pleasures, RATHER than recognizing God in our life. God does not WANT to punish sinners. Jesus Christ gave up His rights as the Son of God and laid down His life to pay the penalty for the decisions YOU AND I have made. This is the greatest way we can understand the perfection of God – that our rebellion as humans was so heinous..
The sacrificial death of God the Son, the sinless Lamb of God (to Christians, who esteem God)
The existence of eternal, conscious judgment by God in Hell (to the unbelieving, whose life is their most prized possession)
Satan sinned, the angels sinned, once, and the King of Heaven judged them, allowing time for them to heap even more judgment on themselves.
God is being patient, not wishing that any perish.
Rejecting Christ is trampling on the sacrificial blood of Christ, counting as worthless the precious death of God the Son. This is the most heinous of sins. Oh to count as worthless the mercy of God in Christ His Son.
Repentance is obedience to God, initial obedience of turning from sin.
Is worldly enjoyment of your life your most prized possession? God made you, and He created the concept of enjoyment. He takes pleasure in what reflects His greatness. Taking pleasure in the creation MORE than the Creator is called idolatry. Your sin against God has ruined God’s pleasure in you. God has these rights, since He is God, the Creator, the Most High – God will judge every man. God is perfect. If found guilty of even one sin against God, the perfect and eternal God must judge us with a perfectly just and eternal punishment. There is ONE man whose life and character HAVE PERFECTLY pleased God. The decisions we’ve made have consequences. These consequences are God’s perfectly just and eternal judgment of us, who have chosen to violate our conscience by living for temporary pleasures, RATHER than recognizing God in our life. God does not WANT to punish sinners. Jesus Christ gave up His rights as the Son of God and laid down His life to pay the penalty for the decisions YOU AND I have made. This is the greatest way we can understand the perfection of God – that our rebellion as humans was so heinous..
Monday, May 18, 2009
5-18-09
Tonight, some dear friends shared with me the story of their coming to America. She was a highly-sought child physician at the most prestigious hospital in the world, Beijing Children's Hospital. He decided he needed to take them to the United States for a superior education in Health Economics. How do I know such excellent people? In response to his leadership, she left a job that all of her med school classmates envied her over, at the most renown hospital in Asia, to accompany her husband to America, to a small city on the Eastern seaboard, at a school not many have heard of, and not even to work. She wont be able to regain her position if they were to return. This woman left the job of her dreams, and a presigious one by anyone's estimate, to follow her husband. I asked him what kind of pressure that laid on him, to guarantee that this was the right decision. He said it was immense. But she did this in love, without demanding an equitable return ("we'll have more wealth this way in the long run"), she loved him and would follow him wherever he went. Pressure should he feel not, but love. And his response to her will be in love, as they journey, as he labors at the new school, all in love. Were it in duty or even a spirit "needing to make it up", resentment and distance and death would have occured. For how could he put a price on her great sacrifice for him? His acting out of duty would and should be a grotesque offense to her, to attach that as the price of her sacrifice, doubly so, as she did it in love and not for repayment. Be this friend of mine YOU and me - all who are in Christ.. may we live out of love for what Jesus Christ did for us, and truly see the abomination we try to live in our hearts when we seek to live as repayment. We live as worship, as people ENABLED to worship, DESIRING to worship by the Holy Spirit, our eyes on Jesus. NOT as compelled to worship. Loving the God Who would send the Lamb to suffer the terrible wrath of God against sin, to reconcile us to Himself. Oh to know this love! Only in the cross! What did Christ do for me? Jesus - through whom the heavens and the earth and ages were made - came in the form of a sinful man and humbled Himself to the point of death? How could I ever rightly respond to that ?? Love. And love only possible by responding to the love of the sacrificial Giver for me. There is no other basis in the universe for such affection for anything.
As far as my friends, we are also the wife. Christ is leading us away from all we ever wanted in life, had invested in, and were capable of. He may be leading us to what seems so much less glorious, and we follow because we love Him.
Father thank You for this analogy, for Christ and the church and how marriage is a picture of it. Father oh for grace to love Jesus. Father oh for grace to behold His glory in the Gospel, more now than when I first beheld it in some way. I love you, please help me to love you. Oh for a mortal heart to love the immortal God.
As far as my friends, we are also the wife. Christ is leading us away from all we ever wanted in life, had invested in, and were capable of. He may be leading us to what seems so much less glorious, and we follow because we love Him.
Father thank You for this analogy, for Christ and the church and how marriage is a picture of it. Father oh for grace to love Jesus. Father oh for grace to behold His glory in the Gospel, more now than when I first beheld it in some way. I love you, please help me to love you. Oh for a mortal heart to love the immortal God.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
When (legitimately) paid more than you rightfully earned..
- to refuse to recieve the extra money is dishonoring to the judgment of the employer, and could even convey that you believe he is in need of it.. he knows you could always use the money, so it may even tell him that you are not wise with your time and resources.. it will likely tell your employer that you are prideful.
- to thankfully recieve the money is honoring to the employer, and beneficial to the employee. It is humbling, but oh so sweet! If one could just get past the nagging voice that says we must turn something down that is legitimately offered by one who has authority to legitimiately offer it..
Jesus thank You for being Jehovah Jirah, my Provider. Oh Jesus, in You are all treasures! Riches beyond measure! Everything that is better than much fine gold! Your wisdom, Your law, Your blessing of reputation, Your commands, Your FAVOR in Your infinitely valuable blood. Jesus You have PURCHASED me! WHY would You? A reason not ultimately found in me, the thought comforting, frightening, and comforting again.. comforting eternally. Show me Your ways oh God, teach me Your paths, lead me in Your truth and teach me. For You are the God of my salvation, for You I wait all the day.
- to thankfully recieve the money is honoring to the employer, and beneficial to the employee. It is humbling, but oh so sweet! If one could just get past the nagging voice that says we must turn something down that is legitimately offered by one who has authority to legitimiately offer it..
Jesus thank You for being Jehovah Jirah, my Provider. Oh Jesus, in You are all treasures! Riches beyond measure! Everything that is better than much fine gold! Your wisdom, Your law, Your blessing of reputation, Your commands, Your FAVOR in Your infinitely valuable blood. Jesus You have PURCHASED me! WHY would You? A reason not ultimately found in me, the thought comforting, frightening, and comforting again.. comforting eternally. Show me Your ways oh God, teach me Your paths, lead me in Your truth and teach me. For You are the God of my salvation, for You I wait all the day.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Meditations on Job Searching
Finding the temptation as I search for jobs online, to place hope in the great "mystery".. that there is just this magic job awaiting me somewhere out there.. there HAS to be right? There are so many jobs out there..
So much of this thinking is false. God's grace abounds, Father Your grace! Our hope is NOT in "fate" or "chance" or "luck".. somehow we've learned this by seeing "life" come to us apart from our own doing. God is telling us the truth!, that it is HE that gives us our life, that RAINS on the JUST AND the unjust, that holds ALL things together in the smallest part, it is CHRIST, the Word. HE is our Shepherd, providing, protecting. Father let me trust YOU for a job, a career, EVERYTHING.
So many thoughts.. on how wisdom and God's law are to be desired above gold / income.. about how we can and WILL REJOICE in the Lord!, though there be NO fruit on the vine, no herd in the stalls.. yet we will take JOY in the God of our salvation.. saving us from us, the world, Satan, and His own righteous wrath toward my self-will and pride, keeping me from trusting in the Way, Truth and Life. Oh He is righteous to judge. Lord, to SEE, to walk in the Light! With You, taking me by Your right hand.
Thinking about how Adam and Eve were told at the very beginning to fill and subdue the earth.. God saw that there was no one to till the ground.. He placed Adam in the garden of Eden to work the land. Father THIS is us, this is how You created us, to work. To subdue Your creation, to fulfill our made-in-God's-image design and DESIRE to CREATE and ORDER, to feel accomplished, to PROVIDE for, to take satisfaction in, to WRESTLE and strive with, to be reminded of our wretched independence and rebellion and the reason we need to be saved. And Your mercy, Your grace which abounds all the more as sin abounded, Your garments of flesh which cover our shame, Your righteousness.. this all by wiping sweat from our brow.. coming home exhausted after a hard day, fighting the mid-day lull, looking at the clock.. Father the blessing is by Your love and the CURSE is by Your love. Father, please, for a son who seeks Your righteousness, only by Your grace, lead me in the way I should go. Let me delight in You that You may PLANT in my heart the DESIRE I should have, for work, for everything.
So much of this thinking is false. God's grace abounds, Father Your grace! Our hope is NOT in "fate" or "chance" or "luck".. somehow we've learned this by seeing "life" come to us apart from our own doing. God is telling us the truth!, that it is HE that gives us our life, that RAINS on the JUST AND the unjust, that holds ALL things together in the smallest part, it is CHRIST, the Word. HE is our Shepherd, providing, protecting. Father let me trust YOU for a job, a career, EVERYTHING.
So many thoughts.. on how wisdom and God's law are to be desired above gold / income.. about how we can and WILL REJOICE in the Lord!, though there be NO fruit on the vine, no herd in the stalls.. yet we will take JOY in the God of our salvation.. saving us from us, the world, Satan, and His own righteous wrath toward my self-will and pride, keeping me from trusting in the Way, Truth and Life. Oh He is righteous to judge. Lord, to SEE, to walk in the Light! With You, taking me by Your right hand.
Thinking about how Adam and Eve were told at the very beginning to fill and subdue the earth.. God saw that there was no one to till the ground.. He placed Adam in the garden of Eden to work the land. Father THIS is us, this is how You created us, to work. To subdue Your creation, to fulfill our made-in-God's-image design and DESIRE to CREATE and ORDER, to feel accomplished, to PROVIDE for, to take satisfaction in, to WRESTLE and strive with, to be reminded of our wretched independence and rebellion and the reason we need to be saved. And Your mercy, Your grace which abounds all the more as sin abounded, Your garments of flesh which cover our shame, Your righteousness.. this all by wiping sweat from our brow.. coming home exhausted after a hard day, fighting the mid-day lull, looking at the clock.. Father the blessing is by Your love and the CURSE is by Your love. Father, please, for a son who seeks Your righteousness, only by Your grace, lead me in the way I should go. Let me delight in You that You may PLANT in my heart the DESIRE I should have, for work, for everything.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Random Bloughts (blog thoughts)..
1 Thes 4:11 -- ..and aspire to live quietly and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you, so that you may live properly before outsiders and be dependent on noone.
2 Thes 3:8,9 -- ..but with toil and labor we worked night and day, that we might not be a burden to any of you.. an example to imitate.
Cross-ref these with the doctrine of doing all things to the glory of God.
"Sin is not so much what you do but who you do it against." - my friend Dave
This is a beautiful understanding of sin, that really helps so much to understand how breaking one law is the same as breaking all. Found it while looking thru some notes from earlier this year. The more I think about this small little antecdote, not so profound but totally profound, the more guilt of sin makes sense.
Father, may the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing in Your sight, oh Lord my Rock and my Refuge.
~
It's the next morning, and upon checking Harrisonburg weather (closest place I could think of near where my precious sister in Christ camped out last night), it wasn't precipitating. Praise God! At least the freezing temperatures and rain would presumably keep away random bored mountain men. Seriously praising God for this. I pray she doesn't come home with mono though.. my roommate told me that he was hot in his 0 degree mummy bag in 20 degree weather.. still, I'd rather be cold with her. Guess I could've slept outside here at the house as moral support..
Bloughts for the day (yesterday and this morning).
Praying for a productive day, of delighting in Him. Desiring Christ. Seeing His glory.. getting everyday things done to His glory.
Ok last blought -- shouldn't "delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of our heart" be our obvious way of addressing lack of direction and motivation? Lacking desire, be delighting in the Lord. IN it, HIS desires (good for you to have) will be YOUR desires. English fails with this explanation.. ahh. NOT, Jesus will give you what YOU want, but this MECHANISM of WANTING, in our heart - CHRIST will cause it to generate desire for what He WANTS you to desire, utlimately HIMSELF! But, even shy of the endpoint of this, I'm praying that seeking delight in Him will find me in place where my desires ARE HIS desires, for the smallest of things (what CLOTHES to wear today!), and especially bigger life decisions. Being transformed by the renewing our minds, that we would KNOW the WILL of God, how good and perfect and pleasing. Thank You righteous Father. To be a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable (in Christ) to God, our spiritual worship. Delighting in the Lord is associated with renewing our minds (not comforming to the world), and with being wise (being not foolish), in regards to what they produce, a knowing of His will. Praise You my God. Make me a worshipper, for You are God. You will be exalted in all the earth, in all the nations.. let me be still. I will wait for You, for apart from You I can do nothing. Yes You can redeem even the most fleshly of my attempts to do my own conception of Your work, but in LOVE for You, WHY WOULD I even attempt this? Jesus, be my all.
My Rock and my Salvation. I love that, YOU are the Way. Let me love not things, but You. Especially when my heart is numb, let this be the greatest of gifts, that there are NO competing desires with a desire for You, oh God. A season for everything, there will be desires for other things that do compete with You, but let me thank You for this time. As You increase my desire for You (You could do it in a second Lord, will You?).. Jesus, let my love for You grow deep and may its fruit be a self-sacrificing love for others, and in a special way for the precious sister You have sovereignly placed in my life. Idolatry - Solomon-esque type idolatry of women - cannot feign the self-sacrificing love required for pursuing a woman in righteousness.
2 Thes 3:8,9 -- ..but with toil and labor we worked night and day, that we might not be a burden to any of you.. an example to imitate.
Cross-ref these with the doctrine of doing all things to the glory of God.
"Sin is not so much what you do but who you do it against." - my friend Dave
This is a beautiful understanding of sin, that really helps so much to understand how breaking one law is the same as breaking all. Found it while looking thru some notes from earlier this year. The more I think about this small little antecdote, not so profound but totally profound, the more guilt of sin makes sense.
Father, may the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing in Your sight, oh Lord my Rock and my Refuge.
~
It's the next morning, and upon checking Harrisonburg weather (closest place I could think of near where my precious sister in Christ camped out last night), it wasn't precipitating. Praise God! At least the freezing temperatures and rain would presumably keep away random bored mountain men. Seriously praising God for this. I pray she doesn't come home with mono though.. my roommate told me that he was hot in his 0 degree mummy bag in 20 degree weather.. still, I'd rather be cold with her. Guess I could've slept outside here at the house as moral support..
Bloughts for the day (yesterday and this morning).
Praying for a productive day, of delighting in Him. Desiring Christ. Seeing His glory.. getting everyday things done to His glory.
Ok last blought -- shouldn't "delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of our heart" be our obvious way of addressing lack of direction and motivation? Lacking desire, be delighting in the Lord. IN it, HIS desires (good for you to have) will be YOUR desires. English fails with this explanation.. ahh. NOT, Jesus will give you what YOU want, but this MECHANISM of WANTING, in our heart - CHRIST will cause it to generate desire for what He WANTS you to desire, utlimately HIMSELF! But, even shy of the endpoint of this, I'm praying that seeking delight in Him will find me in place where my desires ARE HIS desires, for the smallest of things (what CLOTHES to wear today!), and especially bigger life decisions. Being transformed by the renewing our minds, that we would KNOW the WILL of God, how good and perfect and pleasing. Thank You righteous Father. To be a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable (in Christ) to God, our spiritual worship. Delighting in the Lord is associated with renewing our minds (not comforming to the world), and with being wise (being not foolish), in regards to what they produce, a knowing of His will. Praise You my God. Make me a worshipper, for You are God. You will be exalted in all the earth, in all the nations.. let me be still. I will wait for You, for apart from You I can do nothing. Yes You can redeem even the most fleshly of my attempts to do my own conception of Your work, but in LOVE for You, WHY WOULD I even attempt this? Jesus, be my all.
My Rock and my Salvation. I love that, YOU are the Way. Let me love not things, but You. Especially when my heart is numb, let this be the greatest of gifts, that there are NO competing desires with a desire for You, oh God. A season for everything, there will be desires for other things that do compete with You, but let me thank You for this time. As You increase my desire for You (You could do it in a second Lord, will You?).. Jesus, let my love for You grow deep and may its fruit be a self-sacrificing love for others, and in a special way for the precious sister You have sovereignly placed in my life. Idolatry - Solomon-esque type idolatry of women - cannot feign the self-sacrificing love required for pursuing a woman in righteousness.
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