Remembering Singleness

There is a sense of loneliness and even feeling lost, when you live alone..
Since coming to Richmond I never thought I should truly “feel lonely” because there was always so much work to do.. so much to study, so many who need the Gospel, so many to teach and disciple.
Father thank You for companionship, thank You for my wife Vanesa.
There are MANY good things to DO.. but God has also made us to function in relationships. When there is companionship, there is a more natural joy rather than the peace and joy that is found when seeking the Lord out of loneliness. Are not both GOOD? I would be a proponent of the latter, and see God’s grace in it (in the seeking God which is required when one finds himself lonely).
Help me to understand as much as I need to, to know YOU better, to be more THANKFUL, to know man and to be able to counsel him, and to better thrive in the Gospel, making disciples.
Since being married there has rarely been the sense which was previously SOO inundating, of “being lost” and not knowing what to do.. especially during unscheduled time, after naps, etc. Overwhelming anxious feeling.
The constant presence of another soul, who has jointly committed herself to be with me, has been more of a blessing than I could ever know. Father, I am weak, and You know my needs.
Thank you for the personality of my wife, the beauty, the character. Thank you for Vanesa Father.
You HAVE ordained that I be married! Haha, I am married! Until death do us part. You have ordained my marriage with Vanesa for my good, and I thank You for it. For my good and Your glory!
Keep my heart worshipping and seeking Christ MORE than ever! Keep me sacrificially leading and serving and LOVING my wife, increasingly and in the example and power and transformation unto Christ! Keep me APPRECIATING, THANKFUL for our marriage! Even this talk of “we don’t need each other, but we want each other”.. it does feel like I need her, in the same way that I need air and food and rest.. my marriage with her is a gift from the giver of all good gifts.
If I would seek Your provision out of loneliness, BEFORE marriage, let me seek Your provision NOW to BE a godly husband, placing my wife before myself, giving up my life for her. Show me what that means, Father.
Your presence is always with me oh God.
More than that, You have shown your love for me on the cross of Jesus Christ, who gave His life to redeem my from my sin.
Much of what could be called “loneliness” is a sense of being “behind” others.. that while I am here in my house in this state of loneliness, others are busy in relationships, earning degrees and advancing in their careers. THIS is a dividing line. This is a clear identification of a consuming, besetting sin. A manifestation of unbelief in God’s perfect provision for Jordan, whom He has redeemed. At the worst, this sin has become so consuming that I wonder if I could be saved, to be so consumed.
IS this feeling covetousness??
This “lost” feeling.. does it dissipate when I stop thinking about others (in a “left out” way)?
.. yes. If I am simply here and now, and I am not thinking what others (usually SPECIFIC others.. perhaps needful to consider also.. WHO am I comparing myself to and WHY.. help for identifying idols..)
It used to be that I would think about the great lostness (in terms of salvation) in the world.. if I found myself with a spare moment, I would
COVETING YOUR NEIGHBORS WIFE.. is this the sin of the heart when lonely and thinking about the “prosperity” of others?

See, NOW I don’t feel “lonely” as I did before.. WHY? Confession of sin?

There were men, individuals, who played a huge part in God’s grace, my sanctification. Men like Jack Skiltus. They were there for me, and I was too beset to truly remember the part they played, in my thoughts and my life. Outside influencers of your thoughts.. it seems most often that you just REALIZE that you are thinking differently NOW than you were at a certain point in the past, AND you remember not where and how introduced the seeds of that change in thinking from the outside.
Father You have dealt bountifully with us. Please help me to identify and confess EVERY SIN oh God! YES covetousness, but ALL sin! The unbelief of anxiety! Oh to be reminded of Your truth, to KNOW how to deal with these sins of the heart. There is NO sense of IGNORING sins of the heart so that I can focus on “bigger things”. There are of course responsibilities and ministries and primary callings in life (marriage for example) that require the time and thought energy.. however as God provides the opportunity, we MUST take care to examine ourselves in the light of the Word of God, by the Holy Spirit, in the counsel and encouragement of others in the local church, in our moment by moment choices of thought.